Xin.
~~Searching for a goal, a purpose, a value in life which is worthwhile as an end in itself and not merely as a means to some other ends~~

Life's journey.
Life is not gentle - far from it. From time to time, it will hand you disappointment, grief, loss, a formidable difficulty, often when least expected. But never forget you can surmount the worst it brings, keep on going, and make your way up again. You will find that you are stronger and maybe better off for having had some bad experience. No matter what has happened to a person, that individual still has within vast undamaged areas. Nature always tries to repair, so don't be discouraged when you suffer a blow - Norman Vincent Peale

Inspirational quotes.
It is in your moment of decision that your destiny is shaped - Anthony Robbins

You'll always rise in life to the level of responsibility that you're willing to accept - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing has any power over me than that which I give it through my conscious thoughts - Anthony Robbins

What lies behind us and what lies beyond us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The highest reward for man's toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes of it - John Ruskin

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference - St Francis of Assisi

Anyone can be angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, at the right time, for the right reason, to the right degree, in the right way, this is not easy - Aristotle


ramblings.


archives.
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
November 2007
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009

mates.
Bro
Apis
Bei Xuan
Cindy
Kristin
Maureen
Terence
Wei Hong
Zhi Liang

credit.
designer: x
resources: x x x

Things i'll never say

I'm so disappointed in you dad. In my family, I love you the most as I associate you most with family. Yet, you are also the one that disappoint me the most. However much you care for me, it's just for my material needs; food and shelter. You never took care of my emotional or physical needs. You never supported me in anything that I wanted to do, ever since I graduated from colleage, you have never given me any support. Nothing! Zero!

Just this afternoon, when I asked you if you are interested in taking golf lessons, the first thing you said to me was that I had too much money and should give you more allowance instead. Do you know how disappointed I was when I heard that? All I wanted was to do something with you as family but everytime I suggest something like that, all I got was disapproval each time. Even when I want to treat you to foot reflexology, the first thing that comes out of your mouth is money again. Don't you ever know how to appreciate things in life? And not disappoint the people that love you the most? Why can't I ever make you happy? Everytime I share with you something that I want to do, the first that comes out of your mouth is money, money , money! Always money!!! And I'm not even asking you to pay for it! Money is not everything. Even if you give me a thousand bucks, you wouldn't make me happy.

I have the means to earn my own keep. All I wanted was your support, but I never got any. Don't you know that the joy of making money is to be able to spend it on your loved ones. I wouldn't mind spending money on you if you know how to appreciate it. What I want to experience now was the things I never got to when I was younger, either because I never had the opportunity to, or because I didn't have the means to. It's the same with sailing. I knew that saturday was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I probably never get a chance to ride in a real life sailboat again. I'm just really glad that I went ahead as planned since I know you will never support me anyways. You never give me a chance to experience things, even those once-in-a-lifetime opportunity; things i'll regret for life if I never got to try it before I die. It's the same with pool, sailing, dance, gym, and now golf! All I wanted was your support. I don't need no fucking money.. But you never gave me any.. I'm just so sad and disappointed. You never understand me. You claim to know what it's like to be us teens and understand us well but the truth is you are just an traditional old- fashioned bloke that never really understands us at all! At least I know my brother feels the same way. You don't know what Sagittarians are like, which is weird since you are a Sagittarian yourself. Sagittarians are wanderers, whom like to explore and experience new things. We hate routines and get bored of the same things over time. I get along well with many of my Sagittarian friends but you just happen not to be one of them.

The people I know now, many of them influential; one of them could even get me a job anywhere, anytime, as long as I open my mouth to ask him for help. And you didn't help me in any of this. I did this all through my own hardwork and networking. The opportunities I get now in this bank is just unbelievable and many of the people I choose to meet now will certaintly be able to help me out greatly in my career later on in life. I just want to enjoy life a little now. I never got the chance to when I'm still schooling. Now that I decided that I wanted to get my degree and since you seemed so unwilling to pay for my course fees and encourage me to continue working to pay for it, shouldn't you accept my lifestyle from my work environment and the types of people I meet in my scope of work as well? Me going out to meet people doesn't equate to me associating with bad influence and having disregard for the family and treating the house like a hotel. Likewise, staying at home doesn't necessary mean I'm good. It just means the person has no life. It's the way you parents treat me. I just need some love. Do you ever care of i'm happy? You never do. I'm never happy at home.. can't ever do what I want.. I envy others whom parents allow them to stay out late when they are unhappy/depressed as long as it will keeps them happy. But I never got such a luxury. When I tell you the truth; my real feelings, you guys say you understand and will accept it but the truth is you just can't. It's just pure hypocrisy. You choose to believe the lies instead, which is what you are getting now.

Come to think of it, it just all boils down to there's no love in the family. Everybody just do their own thing. Which just reminds me of the song "Family Portrait" by Pink each time I think of my family. On the surface, it may appear alright, but deep down none of us really care for each other, other than my dad. Like my ex once pointed out, when was the last time you specially bought something for your family member simply because they briefly mentioned that something was nice. Sad to say never.

I never got along with my sis. She's plain eccentric and never tries to get along with anyone. Even after so many years of living with her, staying in the my room even, I don't think i'll ever get along with her. We'll probably grow up to be sisters in name but strangers in real life. My brother's fine. If he is older and with no blood relation, he probably be someone I'll go out with. My mum she has lost her zest of life. As long as the computer's there and there's food around her, she be satisfied. My dad, I hate to say, is getting old and getting increasingly long-winded and annoying by the day. He's starting to get wrapped up in his own world. I still love you daddy but I'm increasingly losing that respect for you by the day from over-disappointment. I hate to see when that day finally comes.

Can't believe this what my family is like.. sad..
No wonder i'm happier anywhere else with anyone..

I miss you Nigel, my ex- boss. The one man I respect most in my whole life. During your course of duty, you have cared and looked out for me. Under your guidance and mentorship, you have taught me how to deal with people, how to do my work, brought me to meet a lot of influential people, even taught me how to hold my alcohol. Shared your heartfelt feelings with me, never trying to get close with me. Not many men I have met are able to do that, and for that you earned my respect.